Unlock Your Freedom: Why Forgiveness Heals You, Not Them

We’ve all been there. A deep wound inflicted by another’s words or actions leaves a raw, festering pain. Our minds replay the offense, fueling resentment and bitterness. We might even cling to this anger, believing it’s a form of punishment for the person who hurt us. But what if I told you that the true prisoner in this scenario isn’t the offender – it’s you?

Forgiveness, often misunderstood as an act of condoning or excusing harmful behavior, is actually a profound act of self-care. It’s not about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about releasing yourself from the heavy chains of anger and resentment that bind you to the past. Think of it as dropping a scorching hot coal you’ve been holding onto – the relief is immediate and undeniable.

Holding onto unforgiveness is like carrying a backpack filled with stones. Each offense, each moment of replayed hurt, adds another heavy weight. Over time, this burden can become unbearable, impacting your mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. It can manifest as anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and strained relationships. You become so consumed by the past that you miss out on the present moment and your potential for a brighter future.

The truth is, the person you’re refusing to forgive may not even be aware of the turmoil you’re experiencing. They’ve likely moved on with their lives, while you remain tethered to the pain. Your unforgiveness becomes a self-inflicted wound, a constant reminder of the hurt, preventing you from truly healing and moving forward.

Healing, in its truest sense, requires the release of this toxic baggage. Imagine a physical wound. If you constantly pick at the scab, preventing it from closing, it will never heal. Similarly, emotional wounds need space and the conscious decision to let go of the pain in order to mend. Forgiveness provides that space. It’s the balm that soothes the irritation, allowing the natural healing process to begin.

This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt. It means acknowledging the pain, processing the emotions, and then making a conscious choice to release the grip it has on you. Forgiveness is a journey, not a one-time event. It might involve grappling with difficult emotions, seeking support, and repeatedly choosing to let go of resentment.

The incredible thing about forgiveness is that it empowers you. It shifts the focus from the person who hurt you back to your own well-being. It allows you to reclaim your peace, your joy, and your ability to experience life fully. By choosing to forgive, you are essentially saying, "I refuse to let this past event continue to control my present and dictate my future." In the last three years I have had every single person within my closest circle, no exceptions, in my life hurt me deeply.  The only reason I am able to smile today is because I have forgiven and let that go.  And don't get me wrong I have also done my share of hurting others.  But once you truly apologize for your own words or actions all you can do is move forward with or without them.    

So, the next time you find yourself wrestling with unforgiveness, remember that the act of letting go is not a gift you give to the other person. It’s a gift you give to yourself. It’s the key that unlocks the door to healing, freedom, and a lighter, more joyful existence. Choose to drop the stones, release the burden, and step into the light of forgiveness – for your own sake.