Anyone Else Self Conscious?

Posted by Lisa Stevens on

Is there anything that you do or not do, even though you "know" in your head, that is it not weird or wrong? 

I will give you an example....(please don't judge me! hahaha). Whenever I yawn, I always cover my mouth/nose. Why? Because once someone commented that my nostrils flare when I do it. That's it...I was probably 10-12 years old, so I have been covering up my face for yawns for 30 plus years...because 1 person commented on how my nose looked when doing it. Did I bother looking around to see if, indeed, that was a normal way for a nose to look when in the midst of yawn? Of course not, I just reacted to the comment and took it upon myself to make sure no one ever saw my flare'y nostrils. Do I even remember who this person was? Nope, did that stop me, even in my 20's and 30's when I realized I was still doing it? Again, no...I continue, to this day....even though it seems ridiculous now. I am a grown woman, I should feel free to yawn without covering my face up. hahaha

So, one small comment, from someone I do not even remember has lead the way I do a very normal body function for my whole life. That is giving this (unknown) person so much power over my life. Now, don't get me wrong, really it is a small thing, in the grand scheme of things, and it is habit now, I honestly don't really think much about it, but for someone else to have that kind of sway in my life, it makes me wonder what other "habits" got started because of someone's comments. 

I also wonder how normal it is, to have your nostrils flare when you yawn...hahaha I have never really taken the time to research this, and even if I did...would I be able to change how I have been yawning all this time? Probably not. Sometimes habits become a symbol of comfort...if I stop covering my face, will I feel too exposed and do I want to risk showing that side of me? The nostril flare side? I am not sure I am ready for that yet. I am sure over the years there have been times I have not been able to cover my nose....but they would be few and far between. And maybe someday I just won't care, but today is not that day. lol 

Am I the only one who even thinks about stuff like that? Why we do what we do or how we do them? I imagine, sometimes it is just done that way because our parents, or an older sibling, or a good friend from when we were young did them...and sometimes these habits/idiosyncrasies develop at a much later age, but there is usually a reason behind them, even if we have never stopped to think about the reasons why. 

Should I even be thinking about this stuff? The world seems to be falling apart, and I am worried that I have developed unnecessary habits over the years. Some habits are formed for preservation of self, I would consider these a necessary habit....but then there are those developed for fear of rejection, or in my case embarrassment, which feels like rejection to me. 

I am sure I am not alone in this type of thing, what sort of things do you do because of one moment from your past? Tell me I am not alone in my contemplations of these crazy habits and why I have formed them. 


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