Hi I’m Adaliah, I’m 13, and I’ve always felt more...different then my friends, and the other kids around me. I always thought it was because of being homeschooled, though I guess I was always kind of weird anyways. I never could have guessed it was because I’m a lesbian. Although, apparently everyone else could tell. This is kind of my coming out story.
It’s a funny story, to be honest. All of it started in a tent in our yard, one summer very early in the morning, around 3 a.m., with my sister and my best friend. We were overtired, 9 years old, goofing around like kids do at sleepovers, and talking about LGBTQA+ for some reason, being overtired and hyper I announced to them I was bisexual. At that time nobody had really told me much about what that meant, so I didn’t really know what I was talking about but it sounded pretty cool to me. Their response was a lot of giggling and them asking if I was serious. I thought I was, even with my limited knowledge about what it meant. Then the next day, after I asked my mom about it and she explained, I started to really wonder, was I bi? I decided pretty quickly that yes I was, yet I did not tell my mother for several months later. We were driving home from a book launch of my friend, a local author, when I boldly informed her that I believed that you can love whomever you choose...it should not (and does not) matter what gender either of you are. She agreed wholeheartedly, which made my next statement so easy to say . I proceeded to tell her that I am bisexual, which she probaby guessed from my previous statement...hahaha I did make sure to say that even though I was bisexual, I knew I would be marrying a guy...cause I wanted to have babies. My mom did tell that there are other ways and I can still have babies even if my partner was a female, but I assured her that even though that was the case, I would be marrying a guy. Hahaha There was a part of me that was scared to tell my dad, I know he is loving and accepting but because he had been a pastor for years, I could not be sure how he would react, I hoped he would accept me, but I could not think of how to word it with him, so I asked my mom to tell my dad. As the weeks went by, I was unsure if my mom had shared the news, since he had not brought it up. Finally, I just asked her….and yes she had shared with him. I suppose I get my “not knowing the words” from my father...since he was unsure of what to say as well. I can report now, that he does in fact accept and support me...even though sometimes he does make some very inappropriate jokes. Hahaha
After that I didn't think of it again until a couple months later when I started to wonder if I was just kidding myself? Did I want to ever be in a relationship with a girl? I kind of went back and forth for a while between bi and straight. I would say now that I was young and bi-curious. After my brother’s, at the time girlfriend, came here to live with us from England, my brother (with my permission) told her I was bi, it felt so right to me. Yes, I decided that was it...well for two months at least. After awhile, I started to feel different, wondering if I was locking myself into bisexuality so that I could in fact, marry a man for babies. Hahaha Maybe I was gay. I spent a lot of time thinking, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, it just wouldn’t stop nagging at me. I spent so much time sitting there thinking about different scenarios...I would imagine each one twice, once with a girl and once with a boy. I imagined sitting there watching tv, snuggling, cuddling up to a boy then up to a girl, wondering which one felt right, natural, normal. I also imagined making breakfast, who did I wish was beside me in the kitchen?!? At my wedding, who would I be meeting at the front of the isle? Would it be a she or a he? Who did my mind wish it would be?
I had this feeling about girls, a crush feeling...you know what I am talking about, thinking about them made my heart happy, warm and fuzzy. I had myself convinced that every girl had this feeling about other girls. They are pretty, everyone says so, even other girls talk about how pretty/beautiful girls are. I started to become more aware that it wasn’t the same for them as it is for me. When I re-ran those scenarios through my mind, all of the answers came up female. I wanted a girl to snuggle, to help me make breakfast and be my partner for life.
My best friend (the same one from the tent) was the first person to know, at a sleepover. She wanted to show me a picture of a boy, she said “I think he is really cute, and I want to know if you do too.” I said, before she even showed me, “I can tell you I don’t.” She could put it together and asked. I said yes. That was the end of the conversation. I was pretty much sure after that, but it wasn’t until I said the words “I am a lesbian” out loud to my sister-in-law that I knew, I was sure, that was it. It was the best feeling of my life, to finally say it out loud, and be sure. It got easier to tell people, I told everyone in the house. It went well and everyone was accepting.
After that there was about two months when everything was great, I felt happy and good about it. Then in late spring I got this feeling, I needed to come out to my grandparents. I wasn’t sure why, I just knew that it was a feeling that wouldn’t go away. Of course at that point we were in lockdown because of Covid-19, so I couldn’t tell them in person. That did not stop me. I video called them, my mother’s parents first, it went well. I was scared to death because I had no idea how they would react. I decided to pose a few questions as if it was a project. I asked them questions such as: 1) What’s the farthest age gap that is appropriate for a couple? 2) Opinion on teen pregnancy...I snuck in 3) What is your opinion on the LGBTQA+ community?….just to gauge their reactions. Their answers helped me feel comfortable coming out to them. They were nice and accepting, a little bit surprised, but accepting nonetheless. I called my dad's parents the next day, that time was a bit quicker than the other (my dad had informed them that I would be calling with news), my Nannie's reaction was by far the best. (I ended up having to say it twice, since they did not hear me the first time. hahaha) After I shared, there was a 10 second delay….where I got a little concerned….then my Nannie yelled “I knew it!!”. That made my heart happy. I will always remember that moment, it was the funniest and best thing that has ever happened to me. ❤️
Everyone was so accepting. From then on it did not matter to me who found out. I'm so happy to have such an amazing and accepting family. And it’s so amazing to be able to wake up every day knowing who I am.
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