Porta Potty Pandemonium (The Mistake I Won't Make Twice)!

Posted by Lisa Stevens on

Do you ever do something embarrassing but no one else was around...so you are the only one who knows, but it is so unbelievably funny....you decide to share anyway? (And can it still be embarrassing even if no one else saw....hmmm...I guess it can be embarrassing for yourself about yourself. hahaha) 

I gotta start at the beginning for the story to make sense. (Yes, I am sharing an embarrassing story...that I could have totally kept anyone from ever knowing, but it was really too funny not to share....so I shared with Ben, and of course he thought I should share with everyone. lol). The beginning can actually be two different places, which one should I start with? I think I will start here....

We were away this past weekend at the Sussex Flea Market, the great thing about being a vendor at the flea market is that the space you rent is 20 feet by 30 feet, and you are allowed to stay right on your site for the entire weekend. So, we brought a tent and stayed in it. Now, for bathrooms, there was two options, "regular" public washrooms in an arena and porta potties that were throughout the market site. The regular public washroom was about a 5 minute walk away, so not bad if it was not an emergency....but it was also very hot so there was that to consider too when making the decision on which one to choose. The porta potty was closer, but well....it was a porta potty. hahahaha

If you know me very well, you will know I avoid public washrooms (even regular ones) at ALL costs....and porta potties?!?! Goodness, I would rather pee beside it rather than in it, unfortunately in a public place not really an option. But that is not how a weekend at the Sussex Flea Market works, cause when you gotta go...you gotta go, there was no avoiding using one and/or both of them. 

I will explain here how I use a public washroom (or honestly any washroom other than the two in my own house...hahaha) and maybe this is too much information for ya'll....but it is required to set up my embarrassing moment. lol When I go to the "potty" I never actually sit on the seat...I literally squat so I am above the bowl and do my business. So, this is important to keep in mind with my story. 

I discovered on the first day of the market that I had a UTI, which meant I was going to have to get really comfortable with public washroom/porta potty very fast. (I used Evisit and had a great experience was able to get meds and on the mend quickly, but I had to drink a lot of water as part of the treatment, and a lot of water means a lot of trips to the washroom.) And part of the problem with an UTI is that you don't always have time to go half way across a field to make it to the indoor plumbing....so I ended up using the porta potty ALOT. hahaha 

So, picture this....I am going to a porta potty, someone who hates porta potties....I guess I should also mention here that along with my squatting...I also never look at the bowl part, I literally go in stare straight ahead, check for toilet paper (made that mistake before...hahahaha) and then turn myself around, and do my business.

That is exactly what I did this one time....I walked in NOT looking anywhere near the "grossness", checked for toilet paper, which was plentiful....then turned my booty around and assumed the position, which in this case was the squat....and let it flow. I felt a little mist and thought "oh, I guess I did not sit back far enough"....so I moved a little and kept going....well goodness me, there was liquid all over my legs, I could not figure out what was happening, I mean, how do you use a toilet wrong?!?! hahahaha Let me tell you, I totally can.....I turned around and the cover was DOWN! So, yup there I was in a porta potty with my own pee sprayed on my legs (thankfully not on my shorts), all over the COVER, not the seat and on the floor. (If I had been in the public washroom, I could have at least used the taps to clean myself up a little....but nope, I was in there with no water, only 1 ply toilet paper to try and soak up the mess I had just made, and 1 ply toilet paper does not soak up anything very well. 

After I got myself as cleaned up as I could, I went back to our site and told Ben, and we laughed....cause why not? I could have kept it to myself...but then every time I see a porta potty I could only enjoy the memory with myself...now I can share the enjoyment with him too. And I guess now everyone else. hahaha

I am assuming that no one reading this will ever make the mistake I made, and I want to say that I will never make it again....but you know what???? I still have no desire to look in the direction of the bowl, even just to make sure the cover is up.  And the next time you go into a porta potty and think people are disgusting, sometimes its genuinely just an accident.  

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