"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once." John Green - The Fault in Our Stars
That is true of how I fell in love with Ben. It happened so slow, when I look back I cannot actually remember the moment it happened, or the moment I decided I would let it happen. Anyone who knows me, will know that I believe that love is a choice...so when did I decide that I would love him forever? Was it during the long, late night phone calls when we were dating? Was it when we welcomed our first child into the world? Was it when I said "I do" at our wedding? Or sometime during the years after, as we got to know each other better? Or is it every.single.day since that first time we kissed?
Life is not always easy...crap happens. No matter who you are, no matter what goals or plans you have for your life, there are always things that get in the way, or that mess up how you think things should go. My marriage is no different. Do we love each other? Yep. Do we always intend to show that love? Yep. Does that always happen? Nope, cause we are human and all humans make mistakes and mess up things. Some of us more than others. lol But each and every time, I remember the choice I made (somewhere along the way) that I would choose love, which includes forgiveness and mercy and sympathy, sometimes all at the same time. Every day I wake up, I have a choice....I can dwell on all the faults of my husband and myself....or I can love him for who he is and together we can get through the bad times and remenence and look forward to the better ones.
Overall, I think our love story could be a really good book....or movie (but I am partial to books...hahaha) it would be a Jane Austin love story (love and tragedy seem to go hand in hand with her writing....) with a little 50 Shades of Grey thrown into the mix. It is a book I want to keep reading...do I have any idea where it is going? Is there any foreshadowing that gives me glimpses into what our future holds? Based on the last 24 years, I would say no...lol I have no idea what our future chapters hold, but that doesn't scare me, it excites me, cause I love a good, well written book. And even though our story has tragedy, betrayal, misfortune, trial and tribulation....it is still my favourite book, cause it has the best characters. And let's be honest, characters make or break the story...
Valentine's Day 1995, I gave Ben a framed quote: "And if it don't come easily, One thing you must believe, You can always have trust in me. Because my heart will always be yours, honestly!" - Van Halen That was some foreshadowing...it is and has not been easy, but my heart is still his, because I have chosen him to have my heart and I have chosen his heart as the one that I want. (You're the one that I want....lol Any Grease fans?!?!)
Valentine's Day 2019, for us, will not be all hearts and roses and lovey sayings...it will be a rough day, it might be a little awkward...but sometimes that is what love is...knowing that some times are crappy, but working through them anyway, together.
And you know what....
I would rather have a hundred years of crappy with Benjamin, than a single day of happy without him. And that is love.