The Thing I Don't Talk About

I have been very real with what I share on here....and today will be no different. It feels a little strange to be opening up about this on such a public forum....although I have never really kept it a secret, I just don't talk about it much. 

I would say approximately 2 years ago I began my journey of trying to improve my quality of life (and those of my husband and children) when dealing with my PMDD. I tried supplements and some prescription drugs....at the time they did not seem to "fix" the problem, in fact some of those drugs actually made it worse. Then I decided to try something more "natural"...but at the time was not legal. I found an online source and prayed I would not get arrested....lol Oh my goodness....it was seriously like night and day the difference it made. (If you have not guessed yet, I am talking about marijuana). I did start out by smoking it, cause I did not know any other way to use it (I have since learned ways that are better for my lungs and those around me), and it worked like a charm. Were things 100% better? No...but overall things had taken a turn for the better. I found at first I used it when I needed it...it really helped me calm any anxious and/or raging anger feelings. The kids noticed a difference (although only the oldest two knew what I was doing to help....and Ben noticed a difference.) 

As time went on I realized I could not continue to smoke it, it was too hard on my lungs and I hated smelling like it. (At this point, I was only using it when it was needed....so not every day or anything.) So, I googled it up and in amongst all the millions of blog posts and forums about weed consumption I found how to decarboxylate it at home...most recipes called for making it into a butter or oil that you baked into goodies. But I found one small forum entry of someone who decarbed their pot and then just added the flakes to their food, whatever they were already eating. When I googled specifically that, all kinds of information came up. With temperatures and what to use to do the decarbing.....a toaster oven works best and it only takes 27 minutes. So, I gave that a try and lo and behold it worked....I needed very little at one time to get the feeling I was looking for. 

Then I decided I needed to make it legal...at the time it was only legal to use if you had a medical licence. So, I got myself one. I was given a dosage amount per day (I would NEVER use the full dosage amount that I was allotted...but I just wanted to be using it legally). When you have a legal medical license for it, you have to choose one LP that you purchase from, I choose one out of BC, their prices were good and their quality was excellent. I could now legally order and use to help my symptoms. 

I discovered that overall what I needed to help keep my symptoms at bay, was to take a little every evening (when we had no where we needed to go) and it helped during hell week. If I miss too many nights in a row, those feelings do surface again. Has it taken it away 100%? Still no...but combined with anti-depressants, vitamins and trying to make life as stress-free as possible (everyone can laugh here...we have a house full of 8 people, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 lizards and we run our own business AND homeschool....lol) all of these combined have helped bring my symptoms down from extreme to still existent but manageable. 

Now that cannabis is legal in Canada, I technically do not need to worry about my medical licence to use it, but I still do my exam/interview each year and purchase from my online medical dispensary. Although, Cannabis NB has begun getting some much better stock...but it is still pricier than through my LP (licensed producer). 

Tomorrow is my yearly renewal...I always get a little nervous...what if they don't approve it...but I know they will, it has helped me medically (like it has helped millions of others around the world) and that is what they are there for, to help those who will benefit from the medical benefits of marijuana. 

For those who are interested, I use both CBD only, mixed with both CBD and THC as well as THC only. It really depends on the time in my cycle as well as the symptoms I am currently having. Using all three is what is recommended for my situation. 

I honestly am not sure how my friends/family/customers will react to this blog...although most of them know, but maybe don't know the extent or the reasons why I use it. But to me, I am just as embarrassed to admit that I take an anti-depressant as I am to admit I use medical marijuana. Weed is natural...I am making sure I limit any negative side-effects (by not smoking it and getting from a reliable source and using it responsibly...meaning not when driving, not taking too much at a time....) I am comfortable with my decision to use it and have found the benefits far outweigh any negative feedback I might receive. lol 

I hope no one will unfriend me over this....but if you choose to do so, know that my conscience is clear and I am doing what is best for my family and I in a situation we did not wish upon ourselves....and I have always said, no one really knows what they would do in a situation until they are in it, so be gentle with me as I share the 'not so socially accepted' sides of my life with you :)  And I guess if you do have issue, as my future daughter-in-law often says "That sounds like a you issue to me".