You Might Be Allergic To This Blog

Posted by Ben Stevens on

One of my favourite comedic lines ever is Jim Gaffigan talking about lactose intolerance saying "If you are lactose intolerant, don't be ashamed just because your tummy can't handle that spicy milk". It hits home because several in our family can't eat dairy.  Well, they can eat it but then it results in a word that sounds similar to dairy with an "ah" at the end.  Our family has our fair share of allergies and I have no idea why.  It seems allergies are far more prevalent today than they were years ago.  

Anyone have an allergy to dust mites?  That's a fun one.  Guess where you find dust mites?  Everywhere!  Thankfully I have it mostly under control, other than rare moments of doing work in super dusty locations like attics and cellars.  The whole reality of dust mites is really kind of gross.  It is literally tiny bugs, their dead bodies and poop all over our stuff where we eat, sleep and do everything.  There are helpful things like pillow covers, which till recently made it sound like you were sleeping on a plastic grocery bag.  Thankfully that technology has improved as well as the drugs to combat this annoying allergy.    

I also have seasonal allergies, so my body hates spring, summer and fall but at least I have winter.  That's like as a kid asking for a snack and your mom saying there's some leftover broccoli.  My apologies to those who adore's really a personal preference and I prefer summer.  My seasonal allergies had a big impact on my grades in University.  I had really high marks first semester every year and always visibly lower the second semester because my allergies made it tough to study, go to class and basically exist.  

My wife and I met and started dating at the start of winter, otherwise it might never have happened.  Leaky eyes, snotty nose, and non stop sneezing...don't you want a piece of this sexy?  Thankfully this allergy is also mostly under control unless I hug a bunch of trees as they are pollinating.  You know the type I mean, the yellow dust from birch trees that covers everything.  

Lisa has a few fun ones that she has gotten as an adult.  She is allergic to shellfish, which is a very serious one.  The last time she had some she wasn't able to see and the usual swelling lips and tongue.  Thankfully with some meds it didn't last long but those type of allergies tend to get worse so even a super strong smell of it can start to cause a reaction.  Not a great allergy to have living in the Maritimes where shellfish is pretty much everywhere.  Come summertime there are almost no restaurants that don't carry lobster in some form or another.  Seriously, McDonalds you have no business having lobster on your menu.    Thankfully some are really good about keeping them separated.  I hate to be crabby about allergies so I'll clam up now about this allergy.  I love knowing that right now you either rolled your eyes, groaned, shook your head or did heavy breathing laugh.  You know the one, where you don't actually laugh but you just quickly release air from from your lungs enough that anyone beside you will say "What?".

The most bizarre allergy is her allergy to the cold, as in the temperature.  Yep, as in anytime her body feels cold she will get hives.  Even in the summer going from outside into air conditioning if she feels cold will get hives.  Again, this is perhaps one of the worst places in the world to live if you are allergic to the cold.  Essentially since 10 months of the year it can be cold.  On the upside if I need some me-time I only need to find someplace cold.  If you find me working in the basement or barn between September and June, Lisa and I are likely in a fight.      

Then a few of our kids have some allergies like kiwi, which acts like battery acid to Allora burning her wherever it touches.  Think vampire and sunlight but way less severe cause it's kiwi, perhaps the most easily avoidable food there is in existence.  Adaliah recently has developed one to mango, which is probably the second easiest food to avoid.  And lately we have the joy of making everything gluten free for Lisa and I, another fun one.  And a few in the house, including Lisa, have skin sensitivities where makeup and detergents cause skin reactions.  That's actually how we got started on soap nuts almost 20 years ago.  A friend suggested she try that for her skin allergies.

The fun with allergies is not only does it annoy you but you become the annoyance to everyone else.  The joy of saying, "as long as there isn't shellfish we will be there".  "We can go for a walk with you but only for about 30mins before the hives get too annoying".  "No I can't help you move because I'm pretty sure you are breeding dust mites at industrial proportions based upon the particularly dusty room causing me to cease seeing and breathing".  What are your allergies/intolerances?  I know there are some unique ones out there.  And trust me, I understand the severity of allergies, I'm not trying to belittle the seriousness but rather laughing at a sucky reality of life.  I had the choice to write this blog with a smile and laughter or tears and emotions.  I guess I chose tears...damn dust mites!

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